Feeling Sad

I don't want to be sad. I just can't help it. I'm so tired of crying, hurting, and feeling unworthy. People just don't understand. They will never ever understand. I have so much love to give but I will never be able to share it the way it is meant to be shared. I am so nice to people. I just want someone to treat me like I treat them. He says he cares about me and love me but his actions don't reflect it. He says he's there for me but he brings up my skin all the time. He got a rash and called me and asked was I sure I wasn't contagious. I won't let him see me naked. He ask for sexy pics and to see me but I tell him I am not ready. When we broke up he tells me he want a woman that he can see when he's making love to her. My heart breaks over and over and over again. I don't want to become heartless and cold but I feel the blackness creeping in. How can I be loved by anyone when I hate myself so much? Only God loves me. The only man I can trust.