Sick Girl Part III

Continued...

The beginning of 2009 was cold; my skin is worst in the summer because my immune system attacks my sweat glands. When the sweat glands are damaged, sweat cannot escape through my pores, meaning that sweat and dirt will build up and collect inside of the pore. It often will get infected, causing excruciating pain until it burst. Therefore, winter is my friend. I was beginning to feel better at times. Home life still wasn’t perfect but I began to get back to myself. I began making plans to relocate and leave my so-called boyfriend. He noticed I was beginning to fight back so he began being very malicious towards me. He stole from me too. That was the last straw. I kicked him out. He threatened to kidnap me and lock me in the basement, except that would have been difficult since I was renting the house from my uncle. After putting him out, I started to feel better and better about myself and my situation, but I was nowhere close to where I should have been. Dating was a challenge after that. Guys would go crazy over me then take off running when they saw the scars on my naked body. I was already a bigger girl but I wasn’t shy with it around guys I dated but now I was. My confidence was shot. I was tired. I resigned from my job and moved back home in the middle of the summer just as the heat was beginning to make me ill again.

I went to so many doctors but at least now, I had my mom as a support system. I wasn’t seeing anyone or having sex. Summer was just too traumatizing for all that. Doctors, most of which I had to educate about what HS even was, always wanted to try this and that procedure on me. One doctor even poured some type of acid on my navel. It hurt so bad that I literally saw stars like a cartoon character. It felt like the devil licked my stomach. I wanted to punch him so bad but he was the cutest old white man and I know he was just trying to help me.

Towards winter, I started to date this guy who I was not really physically attracted too. He was understanding and he didn’t make me feel like a sick freak. When my skin would break open, he would clean and bandage the areas. On the other hand, he was very insecure about my friends. He was always jealous of any attention that I paid to other people, even my family. Because it was winter, I was feeling better. I had this nice, cushy little federal job. It wasn’t as high stress but he was. I ended the relationship when he became angry at me on Thanksgiving Day for spending time with my family and not talking on the phone with him. I didn’t date anyone seriously again until the beginning of the next year. It wasn’t a great relationship but better than the last. However, its such an interesting story that I will have to create a separate blog about it. I started dating someone shortly after meeting him and ended up getting pregnant (another interesting story for another time). I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant.