Sick Girl Part II

Continued...

They gave me some pretty strong pain meds and sent me home with a prescription that the doctor forcefully told me to fill soon as possible. I got to the pharmacy and realized the co-pay for the medication was $250. The medication itself was over a thousand dollars. I told the pharmacist that I would have to use some of my Christmas money to purchase the medicine and I really didn’t want to get it. He said, “Lady, if you were prescribed this medication then if you don’t get it, you won’t live to see Christmas.” I got the medicine. I took the medicine for 3 days and already my hair was falling out on one side. Then they called me and said my test results were negative for MRSA and had no infection at all! I took that medication and got scared to death for nothing!

I did go on Google to research my symptoms. My symptoms matched perfectly with something called Hidradenitis Suppurativa, a genetic, autoimmune skin disorder. I printed out the results and took them with me to my appointment with the dermatologist that my doctor referred me to. He did his test and confirmed my results. He said that hormones affect it so that’s what his brilliant azz prescribed me.

It was awful! I was sad, crying, even more depressed, mood swings, crazy appetite, and still in pain. I went back to work and had the incident with the tomato. I Jordan dunked those pills in the trash after that. I was still forever in the emergency room. They had me on so many pills by then. Pills for pain, infection, insomnia, depression, migraine headaches… Half of the time I was high off pills at work. They didn’t give a scrap as long as I was there. I hated taking the pain pills. I was so out of it. My boyfriend basically ignored me unless he needed something. I would come home from work wishing all his things would be gone but not having the energy to fight with him or make him leave. I would come home from work and be in so much pain that I would lay in the bottom of the tub on my side and cry because the water hitting my skin was so painful. I would take a pain or sleeping pill. Sometimes I would wake up a little in the middle of the night and my boyfriend would be having sex with me. I couldn’t even feel it. It felt like it was happening to someone else and I was just watching. I think he was aroused by the fact that I was unresponsive and out of it. Sometimes he would pull me out of bed onto the floor and do it. No one knew the hell I was going through because I wore a mask in public and tried to fake like everything was ok. I had panic attacks all the time. And I was starting to get scared of my boyfriend too, so even home wasn’t safe.